


Every nightmare is a caged bird

by sarenis



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 16:21:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7275157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarenis/pseuds/sarenis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Look at yourself, Guardian. Not able to protect your own apprentice, let alone the whole world.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every nightmare is a caged bird

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by medivhing's heartbreaking [comics](http://djtirisfal.tumblr.com/post/146222580453/continues-from-this-i-think-he-will-beg-to). They're amazing, check them out ♥

Seeing my own eyes on someone else’s face is strange and… frightening. Did I look like that? I inherited my green eyes from my mother, they didn’t give up the fel emerald corruption so easily, but Khadgar looks like a completely different person with them. The face of my student got pale and twisted, a crooked, vile smile froze on his lips.

My hand is reaching out for the beloved face, but I stop myself. No. Not Khadgar. Not my apprentice, not him, damn you.

“This isn’t funny, Sargeras. Leave him be and come back. To me.” I hiss through the gritted teeth but the tone of my voice can’t fool the demon. He knows me, he knows my fears and weaknesses and he knows I am terrified. He has won.

He laughs and it isn’t Khadgar’s soft laughter.

“Oh, my dear Magus, I’m so tired of your childish attitude, you have no idea.”

No, no, _no_ , this isn’t happening. A white-hot needle is piercing my head – just my own now, for the first time in years. I swallow and clench my fists, my fingers wet and trembling.

“I will subdue,” the words leap out easily. It isn’t a sacrifice. I’ve made my peace. It is the right thing to do. Seeing those cursed eyes on the face of my apprentice, knowing he’s locked inside his own body along with the enemy he just cannot fight alone…

“You’ll have everything you want. Take my powers. I’ll obey every order, will not get in your way anymore.” 

Damn it, why am I crying now, when I need all my strength the most? I can’t let Khadgar down. Not him. 

“So, please, leave my apprentice alone…”

The thick silence falls and it is almost touchable. He looks at me puzzled, taken aback for a moment, – and laughs.

I feel myself falling.

“Oh, it’s truly amusing. Every time I think you just can’t sink any lower, you prove me wrong. Such a pathetic little mage…” His voice is full of unfamiliar fondness, almost like Khadgar, against all odds, managed to bend his will. My student has no darkness in him, nothing Sargeras could use or twist, nothing to cling to.

And still I can hear almost an unveiled sneer in my boy’s gentle voice, when his hand touches my cheek lightly.

“Look at yourself, Guardian. Not able to protect your own apprentice, let alone the whole world.” 

I feel every bone in my body breaking, crumbling. I can’t do anything to save the only person that is more important than the universe itself.

I just can’t make myself to look at this face and lower my head, crying silently. Why is it happening? Why can’t he just leave us? Why must he take away the last that I have? _Please_ , let this be just a cruel lesson. Let him mock and torment me, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care, but my Young Trust has nothing to do with all this.

“Hush, Magus. It is alright, you _should_ be scared of me.”

The monster with my student’s face is patting me on the cheek like he’s treating an obedient dog and suddenly I realize he isn’t going to leave. He has no reason to abandon this strong and young body, no reason to return to mine.

I feel claws on my neck only because I’m waiting for it. But this time I am faster. I catch him by the wrist, getting on my feet, pulling him closer and throw my own hand forward. The mystic blade pierces Khadgar’s throat easily, blood splashes over my arms and the boy sobs, his voice hoarse and then – quiet.

Tears are welling in my eyes and I can barely see anything, but I know what must be done. _You won’t have him._ I push the blade further until it splits the spine and my boy’s body goes up in emerald flame, easing up slowly. It’s not hard to banish a demon, even if he’s an ancient titan himself. But it is, to kill a person you love.

He’s lying in my arms like a broken doll, lifeless, awfully still, and I can’t make myself move, waiting for a breath, for something, for a miracle to bring him back to me.

No miracle happens.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to…” I can’t hear my own words, I don’t understand what I am saying, not that it matteres anymore. 

_I couldn’t save you, I was weak, I failed you._

I bury my face in my apprentice’s shoulder and allow myself to weep out loud, probably for the first time ever in my life.

***

“Medivh, wake up,” a soft voice crawls in my dream and I open my eyes, panicking, barely recognizing the surroundings. It is dark. My eyes are burning horribly and even Khadgar’s worried face over me seems hazy, strangely unfamiliar through the tears. His snow white hair is bathed in moonlight, almost shining with silver.

“You were crying in your sleep.”

I cannot handle it. I cover my face and wail until my chest starts to hurt. 

“Oh Light, come here…” He understands everything without any words. He knows me too well, my every mood and gesture. 

I cling to his broad shoulders, embracing him as tightly as my trembling hands allow it. He locks me in his arms and somehow I feel better, my body relaxing slightly agains his. He whispers something to my ear, kissing, stroking my hair tenderly, and I nod, not even hearing the words.

It is my Khadgar. Our bedroom. I wipe the tears away and cup his face carefully: even in this faint light his eyes are bright and blue, like the skies over Dun Morogh. My Khadgar, my Young Trust, my apprentice. My beloved one.

“I killed you in my dream,” I breathe out at last, feeling my throat getting tighter again. He lowers his eyes and I realize he is caressing the scar on my neck lightly. A reminder of his sacrifice, of my salvation, of the nightmare that we both are free of. 

“It was just a bad dream.” 

My precious apprentice runs his fingers through my hair, stroking the back of my neck tenderly, kissing me so gently I almost forget the crooked smile on these soft lips from my nightmare.

“And then I destroyed the world because you weren’t there anymore.” That part of the nightmare is vague, almost fading, perhaps, because I didn’t care.

“Well that’s unlucky… I will try not to die, so you’ll have no reason to destroy anything, my Guardian,” he smiles softly, cheerfully and embraces me even tighter, almost pinning me down, but for that I am grateful. I press my forehead to his chest and breathe in the familiar scent. He smells of home.

“Please, do,” I mutter, feeling Khadgar’s presence soothing, easing my mind sickened by the nightmare, my limbs and muscles relaxing, a tight knot in my chest untying slowly. He’s still holding me carefully, gentle palms on my waist and neck, while I’m falling asleep again, without any dreams this time.


End file.
